Thursday, May 13, 2010

Olivia's Birthday

As many people know, Olivia Ryan was born May 12th at 1:03am. It has taken me awhile to post any details, I have started, stopped...then started again so I'm not sure how much I will actually get into this post but I'm determined to get it posted this time.

After having such a great day Saturday, and really the last 2 weeks before Mother's Day, I knew something was about to change. I was in the bathroom talking to Greg Saturday evening and I told him that the day had been so great that I just knew that I would be going into labor soon. I really had no reason to think that, I was 33/1/2 weeks pregnant and had no extra aches or pains for 2 weeks, everything was great!

On Sunday evening I was having shooting pains and cramping and told Greg that I did not want to go to church and do games for the kids program. He was concerned and did not want me alone so I went and sat with my feet propped up on a chair talking to my grandma for the hour and a half. The pain and discomfort lasted the rest of the evening and we had a doctor appointment Monday morning. I posted in my "Mother's Day" post that everything was normal, maybe the pain was coming from a UTI but nothing else was wrong.

Well, to make a long story short, I was in pain all day Tuesday and ending up sleeping half of the day while my grandma took care of the girls. (Have I mentioned how amazing my grandma is??? She is wonderful!!!) Greg came home that evening to me laying on the couch, covered in sweat literally from my head to my legs. I was miserable but never had a UTI so I thought, "well, this sucks but the antibiotics would kick in." Too bad they do not stop labor pain though because I had started contracting and did not even know it.

Once I was in the hospital and hooked up to monitors, I was told my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. It was the real deal this time and of course had NOTHING packed for the hospital because I just thought I would be going home a couple of hours later. Once I realized that we were not leaving I started crying. I knew that we would soon meet our daughter and say goodbye too quickly. I was not ready, but can you ever really be ready for this?

After a typical labor, Olivia Ryan was born at 1:03am. She weighed 3 lbs and 3 oz and was 15 1/2 inches long. She never took a breath but had a heartbeat when she was born. The only movement I saw was a brief move of her left hand as I was moving her arm. I would have loved to see her breath and kick and be with us so much longer but I prayed and prayed that we would see her alive, and we did receive that blessing. I was able to see that she has brown hair. I was afraid that I would never know her hair color because of the anencephaly but she had hair around her ears and the base of her neck. She had long arms and legs and tiny little shoulders. I had been afraid of what she would look like but she was beautiful. I had heard so many mothers say that they were afraid of how their baby would look and when they were born, they did not care. Greg and I were the same way. Yes, she looked different from our other girls but she was our baby and we just saw her beauty. We were told at 2:01 am that she no longer had a heartbeat. We kept her with us for about 4 more hours before calling to have her taken away.

I wish I had my baby home with me right now, I wish that everything had been perfect in the pregnancy and we could have kept her with us to watch her grow. Even though we only had a short time with her, I love her so much. All she ever knew in her life was the love she had while inside of me and the love of her family's arms. Olivia was only given 58 minutes on this earth but her whole life was love. Although we have this pain to learn to live with, she will never have to suffer in this world. She is safe in the arms of Jesus until we are with her again one day.

I love you Olivia!


  1. I haven't said Congratulations on Olivia's birth. I know it to be bittersweet. I enjoyed reading about your descriptions of Olivia and I love that she has brown hair. I bet she's beautiful! Thank you for sharing Olivia with us. I am sorry you did not get more time, but am happy you got to meet her alive as you had prayed so hard for. You are right in that she will never have to suffer. Know that my heart goes out to you and your family. I have been thinking about you all week. *hug*

    love and prayers

  2. We had a long talk one night and talked about how beautiful she would she was. Her angel is just beaming in beauty and watching over her amazing family. You shared a miraculous 58 minutes with a fighter, a little girl who will always know the love you feel for her.

    With love,


  3. I have been blessed by this blog and am so thankful that Ashley shared it with me. I have been blessed by the love shared. I have been blessed by the heartache and pain you have suffered. But above all, I have been blessed by your faith. God be with little Olivia Ryan, and God be with you.
    jeanette combs

  4. Cynthia, God bless you and your family! There are no words of comfort that I or anyone can share. Just know that I am continuing to pray for you and your family. My heart breaks for you. I know where you are. I've said it before and will say it again, If you need to talk, I am here. Love and hugs! Jennifer

  5. Thank you for sharing, Cynthia. I know you want her here more than anything. And she is so beautiful! I'm glad you have a picture of her up. It made me smile to see her.