Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Due date- letter to Olivia


Today is your due date, the date that was planned to change our lives forever. I remember when I found out I was pregnant last October, I was so excited but it seemed to be a million years away. Little did I know, I would want time to slow down. Rather than wishing my time away, I began wishing for more time with you. Don't get me wrong, I hate being pregnant but would have stayed pregnant forever just to keep you with me.

You have changed our lives, changed our family. We were a happy family before but you have taught your Daddy and me how to love and care more deeply than before. You will always be a part of us, a part of this family. Your sisters are so proud of being your sister. This morning Makayla wanted me to come look at something that was yours. She showed me a plant that had been given in your honor, to help us remember you. She just sat there and smiled at it. Hannah is always telling people, "I have a baby sister, but she is in heaven." I have a feeling that when she is old and gray and it is her turn to enter the gates of heaven, you will be the first person she comes running to!

Today you would have been 6 weeks old. You would be starting to smile at us, oh I can only imagine the joy that would bring to us right now. I wonder so much what you are like in heaven. Did you stay a baby? Are you being rocked by angels and cradled in the arms of Jesus? Are you in your permanent glorified heavenly body, free from any birth defect that kept you from growing here on earth? I just cannot imagine how free and happy you must feel, never having to suffer the pain of this world!

I went to the cemetery today to visit your grave. Grass is starting to grow over the dirt, a sign of new life in a place that should be so dead. It is so peaceful, one side of you has others that have passed. To the left there is a field of corn that gently blowing from the wind. Behind is a wide open field of grass that has not been dug up yet. I know that it is just your body there but I have comfort when I go there alone.

I cannot say or think enough how much I would love to hold you, rock you and comfort your cries. Since I cannot have you with me, I cannot imagine a greater place for you, knowing you are safe in the arms of the Lord.

I love you Olivia and miss you so much!



  1. You are in my thoughts and prayers today on Olivia's due date. It is crazy how fast time goes by. I remember thinking May 6th would never get here when they told us that was the due much has changed since that day. ((hugs))

  2. Oh Cynthia, I did not realize that today was Olivia's due date. Sending you big hugs and many prayers. I know this day has not been an easy one. All of the hopes and dreams of what should have been on this day. Praying for the peace that only He can give! Hugs!

  3. Sending you many hugs. What a beautiful and touching letter to Olivia! Thank you for sharing it with us. The due date comes so fast. More hugs. You are doing an amazing job! Thank you for sharing Olivia with us and your heart.

  4. Cynthia,
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I cant imagine what you are going through. It makes me cry every time. I try and read your blog every chance I get and I feel your pain in the words you makes me want to give you this massive hug and say its going to get better...