This is in every way a "poor me" post. I am posting on here rather than forcing the Facebook world to read about my hormonal, grief filled sadness. I know I will be ok tomorrow and I will not want random people walking up to me and knowing all my business unless they came here to read it.
I'm not sure what happened today but it is a definitely and cry my eyes out kind of night. I really don't have much to say, just missing my baby. I really allowed myself to get into that funk of what my life could have been.
I just wish I could go back to May 12, 2010 for just awhile to hold Olivia in my arms again. My body still aches for her when I go there, I don't allow myself to think too much anymore about my grief. I think of her in almost every moment, just as I would the other 3 girls but I cannot dwell on it or I feel like I do tonight.
Even though we are just a couple of months from her 3rd birthday, I still have not quite figured out how to make sense of this life after loss. I do the best I can for my husband and girls, we do still live a busy normal life but it does not feel right. I changed when I had to bury my baby and I still do not know what my life should look like on this side of it.
*SIGH* I wish I had the words to say, I feel like I've said it all before. Right now I am thanking God for Lifetime movies that can help me get all of those tears out!!! Like I said, tomorrow I will be fine, tonight I just needed to let it all out and I already feel a tiny bit better.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
My name is Cynthia. My husband Greg and I have been married 5 years. We have 3 daughters, Makayla (5), Hannah (4), Claire (born in July) and Olivia. Olivia was born anencephaly, a fatal neural tube defect. We were blessed to spend time with her before giving her back to the Lord. We find comfort in knowing that we will see her again some day.
No comments:
Post a Comment