Friday, October 29, 2010

Losing weight after losing a baby

Along with the numerous issues that come with losing a child, losing weight has been a struggle for me. I knew that I would have weight to lose after having Olivia, just like my first 2 pregnancies, but I had no idea the emotional toll the extra weight would be.

I have a degree in exercise, I love to exercise and I work in a gym. So what's the problem? I have been working on trying to figure that out the last 4 months. After giving birth to Makayla, most of the weight just fell off. I exercised up until the day before being induced. Then I became pregnant with Hannah when Makayla was just a couple of months old so the idea of getting back into shape was on the backburner. Then just 12 1/2 short months after having my first child, Hannah came along. That girl ate like a champ and I never even had to worry about my weight (until she quit breastfeeding :P) I did not breastfeed Makayla, I tried but did not succeed. I never knew that it would be the missing link for weight loss, I'm sure it helped that I was doing my internship and blasting out over 100 squats per day.

Before giving birth to Olivia, I thought I would hit the gym full force as quickly as possible. I would exercise morning, noon and night to shed any evidence that I had ever been pregnant. At least when you are carting around a newborn, anything short of a pregnant belly looks skinny, this time I had no visual excuse for my muffin top. The first two weeks after giving birth, I had lost just over 20 pounds......and I stopped there. I have maintained exercising regularly but the motivation for that extra push was hard to find. The exercise burn that I used to crave was gone. I did not want to hurt more, the hurt inside was so intense and I did not want to hurt on the outside too.

I was also angry that I could not breastfeed the weight away. I thought I would try to pump and donate milk, through that I would be doing something good for another baby and I would burn some extra calories. That became a chore, I pumped just enough to keep myself from becoming engorged and hoarded the milk. I thought "This milk should be for my baby and if she cannot have it, no baby can!" I know how selfish that seems but I think I can allow myself some selfishness through this. I did not pump enough anyway to send into a milkbank so that milk eventually went bye bye.

I finally have reached the point in the last few weeks where I am ready to bust my booty back in shape. I am not sure what the new motivation is but I am done having no confidence in my body. I do not mean the physical appearance. What I mean is, my body failed me, I was supposed to be able to carry a healthy child and that did not happen. I am extremely excited to see what I can achieve, I have lost weight and toned my body before, I know I can do it again.

If any of my fellow BLM's have felt the same way or struggled to lose the weight, let me know what worked for you (or what did not work!) I plan to update my blog with this new journey, this should be extra motivation since I would rather say I dropped a pant size instead of "I just tore up 4 cookies!"

1 Corintians 6: 19-20
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.


  1. I totally understand how you feel - except that I have never found a love for working out. Before getting pregnant with Noah, our little boy who was still born due to anencephaly in April, I had been doing P90X 5 days a week. After Noah, I had no motivation to work out. In some way I felt like losing the weight was losing more of Noah, if that makes any sense.

    I can't honestly say that I did much - just tried to eat less than what I wanted. I think I got to within 5 lbs of my original weight, but not shape before getting pregnant again - I'm now 18wks. I'm hoping once this baby is born, nursing and time will help it all come back together.

    Good luck!

  2. With Isabella for some reason I had more motivation to lose the weight than I did with my other pregnancies. Now part of that might be because with the others Dwayne deployed a month after they were born and this time he was home. I am not sure if that had something to do with it but besides not having my baby that was the only thing different this time. I of course had more than just the baby weight to lose. I had such motivation to get myself healthy again. I was doing good too, lol then I got pregnant and sadly I have put working out back on the back burner. Good Luck on this Journey! I will be praying for you!