Friday, November 26, 2010


I was hesitating to blog about how miserable the idea of holidays has been to be the last week or two but decided to anyway. As a general rule, I love to celebrate....well, anything. Holidays are no exception, until this year.

We were planning on having our families over to our house on Thanksgiving. Last weekend I allowed all negativity to set in and decided we were not having Thanksgiving at our house and I did not plan on attending dinner anywhere. I know that sounds incredibly negative, because it is. I decided that I would not be sitting at a table with my brother, who is in no position to be having a child but has a healthy one on the way. I was not going to sit and pretend that I am happy and avoid talking about my daughter because it makes people uncomfortable, no matter how supportive they can be. I was just depressed. I was reminded by a family member that I have so much to be thankful for. Excuse me? Yes I am well aware of how much I have to be thankful for but that DOES NOT take away my pain from the last year!!

With all of that said, I was content with the idea of staying home and avoiding any sign of Thanksgiving. Greg and I both probably would have if we did not have Makayla and Hannah pushing us forward and I thank God they are here. Greg's family agreed to host dinner with just 3 days notice. Our families came together once again and when the day actually arrived, the bitterness went away. I still sat at the dinner table imagining a high chair with a chubby little 6 month old or not even getting to sit with everyone else while entertaining a restless baby. Olivia was not there and it hurts. Someone had posted on the support group a story of thanking God for the thorns in our lives and it was the most needed post, for me, that I have seen in awhile. I will not paste the entire story but the best quote was at the end.
"Dear God, I have never thanked you for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to you along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of your rainbow look much more brilliant."
This Thanksgiving, I am thanking God for bringing Olivia into our lives. Although there is more pain through this journey than I ever imagined I would have to bear, I would not trade her or what I have become for anything. I am thankful for my wonderful husband who has taken the brunt of the depressing holiday feelings. I am thankful for my healthy living children, Makayla and Hannah, who have kept us going every single day!

On a happier note, we put up our tree last night and the spirit of Christmas is alive in our household!


  1. I'm so glad you decided to go even if it was difficult! You are so strong! I'm always good for a venting session if you need it :)! Sending hugs! xoxo

  2. I am happy you were able to muddle your way through the holiday. It is so hard.

    I loved the thorns story as well. I have already asked my florist to set aside some thorny stems for me. :) I'm going to need them to get through Christmas.

    huge hugs coming your way!

  3. I read that post and I thought it was really good. I'm glad that she shared it. I really liked that last paragraph too.

  4. I'm glad you had a Thanksgiving, even though I can't imagine how hard it had to have been. Continuing to pray for you and your healing!