I was speaking with a friend today about how much of last year I kept my grieving private even though I was struggling so much inside. Of course I let it all out on my blog but in life I just kept it tucked beneath the surface. It was also brought up that some people may expect me to be "over it" by now because they do not understand how I would be so attached to a baby that I never really got a chance to know. Does a mother really need to have a baby for any certain amount of time to know their child? I did not know that a mother's love should or even could be limited to the amount of time they have spent with their child.
I am so grateful I was given the choice to carry my baby, to give her the chance to live her life to her fullest potential. I will never regret pouring all of my heart into her life, no matter how brief. There is no time limit on "getting over" holding my baby until she passed peacefully into the arms of Jesus. She was, is and always will be one of my daughters and that I will never let go of.
This friend does not think this way (as far as I know!) but it was just general discussion. It made me think though, how could I possibly explain myself and my feelings? I have tried a thousand times on here, I could say it until the end of my life but unless someone has walked in this path, there are just NO words to begin to describe the depth of this experience.
I really don't know where I am going with all of this, I'm too tired to even bring the thoughts around and finish the blog! Goodnight!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I hear you loud and clear sister! We will never be "over" our girls. I don't think there really is a timeline for grief, or if there is, it is certainly not linear. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI agree. There really isn't adequate words to say everything that needs to be said about walking this road
ReplyDeletePeople are just plain heartless. For anyone to think you should ever get over the loss of a child is just plain ignorant. People who want kids, plan for kids, get excited for kids,and then love kids.. No matter how short of a time they know them. If the someone that said that has children , i feel sorry for their kid(s).
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog this morning, and I can't express how much my heart aches for you. No parent should ever have to experience what you have. My grandparents' second child passed unexpectedly hours after birth, and 55 years later they still feel pain. I don't mean that to give a bleak outlook on the future; I just mean that the love for a child is something that isn't based on time together. It is pure and unconditional, and I think it is so beautiful that you gave your lovely daughter the opportunity to live every minute of her life enveloped in love and adoration. What a strong woman you are, and while you will never be "over" your loss, I pray that you find that your grief becomes more bearable with time.
ReplyDelete