9 months

Nine months seems like a lifetime to wait for your baby after finding out that you are pregnant. Nine months of planning and dreaming and sometimes worrying. The fact is, having a healthy baby is lifechanging whether it's the first or tenth child in the family. There are hopes and fears about how this new little one will fit into the big picture, how you can manage juggling a carseat and 2 toddlers through a grocery store. Nine months seems so long but it is never enough time to plan or prepare for another little person to care for.

Nine months ago today we went in for a routine ultrasound at 12 weeks. Nine months ago today were told our baby would die. 0In some ways it seems so long ago, I feel like so much of the last 9 months was lived in a fog that I still haven't completely come out of. Tomorrow Olivia would have been 4 months old. Every month milestone I tell myself that I will not be affected by the date but I am. I do not want the 11th of every month to sting and the 12th of every month to be a reminder that our daughter is gone.

Even though tomorrow is the 4 month mark, I feel ok. I have a heaviness in my heart because she is gone but so far I have not felt completely crushed this time around. I will pray that I continue to not feel worse. I just want to be happy, I have been blessed with an awesome family.

Makayla and Hannah have been so awesome the last two weeks. They have been getting along, playing well together and they just keep doing so many cute things! I am one of those moms who brag about my kids and talk about them all the time, even when other people might not care. Since having Olivia I am soooo much worse about my gushing but I know now, more than ever, that they are the greatest gifts Greg and I could ever ask for.