My girls

I absolutely love that our girls can talk to Greg and I about Olivia without worrying what we will do or say. Yesterday, while making lunch, Makayla simply asked "Did Olivia die?" We were not talking about anything, it was just a quiet, calm time in our house (very rare!). I just told her "yes." There is not beating around the bush with them, they are not afraid of talking about death or heaven. Hannah asks about Olivia in heaven, she wants to know what she is doing. We talk about how much fun she is having and happy she is. She asked me "is Olivia not sad anymore?" Through this, I have the opportunity to tell her there is no sadness in heaven, just happiness and joy. What a wonderful place to be and our daughters at just 3 and 4 years old understand, they just get it! Just knowing that my beautiful little baby is there makes the idea of heaven that much sweeter.

When we were out yesterday Makayla wanted to drive by the cemetery to check on Olivia's flowers. She does not want to get out of the car usually but loves to drive by. The landscapers had knocked over the flowers when mowing and broke the little plastic vases. I was pretty upset for a minute and then decided that it really was not worth the anger and decided I would just have to get more! We do alot of checking on the flowers, there have been bad storms but each time we go to the cemetery, all of the flowers are intact. It's just comforting to know that even though we cannot physically take care of our baby, there is something we can do to "take care of her."

This morning Makayla came downstairs with a dress from their closet and asked if it was supposed to be for Olivia. I told her no, that was hers, Olivia will never need new dresses. She began asking what Olivia wore went she went to heaven. I explained the simple white cotton dress with little flowers that she would be wearing forever. What she is wearing in heaven, I have absolutely no idea, but her earthly body will be forever dressed in that tiny little dress.

Since she had more questions the 3 of us went to my room and pulled out what we had from the hospital. Unintentionally, I had not looked at her stuff after the first day of being home. A couple of times I had pulled out her handprints and footprints but left everything else alone. I showed them the little dress that she had worn, her hospital bracelets, her blanket and her little hat. We looked at her handprints and footprints again and her birth certificate. Both girls felt everything, smelled her stuff and just loved seeing each item.

I just love being able to talk about Olivia with my girls without reservation. It's never a sad time. To them, they love to talk about her, ask questions and do not worry about bringing up an awkward situation. It is wonderful to know that even though Olivia is not here with us now, she will always be one of my girls.